The last thing I said to you was you were dead to me.
I wish I could pretend that. I wish I could stop thinking about you. I wish I could forget you but I can’t. I can’t forget anything about you. I can’t forget the pain. I can’t forget the things you did for me. I can’t forget the betrayal. I can’t forget the years when you meant everything to me. I can’t forget the lies. I can’t forget the laughter. I can’t forget the tears. I can’t forget the happiness you gave me. I can’t forget how you took it away.
Why is it music can always tell the story of my life? Driving home from finishing my freshman year of college yesterday it was like the radio was playing the soundtrack to my life from this past year. Each song made me think of at least one person I had to say goodbye to that day, and with each song the sadder I felt about that day.
1.What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction Okay so this one was probably destined to play at some point during the 2 and a half hour drive. However, it made me thing of a certain person who I had just finished saying goodbye to. She sang it nonstop during this past week and often got it stuck in my head as well. I can’t explain how much I will miss having her around, even though I judged her many times, she meant more to me than she’ll ever know. A fitting song for a beautiful person :)
2. Look at Me Now - Chris Brown & Busta Rhymes
Again, probably one of those destined to play during so long, but after seeing the most expected person always start rapping this every time it played, I will forever have a new perspective on this song. To see the cutest, funnest, most sweet and innocent person I have ever known to bust out this song always made me smile. Thinking of her and this song will always put a smile on my face.
3. Uncharted - Sara Bareilles
First off, I will never forget the constant playing of Sara Bareilles constantly throughout BB2. Secondly this song says a lot about what I’ve been feeling and going through this past year.
”Jump start my kaleidoscope heart, Love to watch the colors fade, They may not make sense, But they sure as hell made me. ”
To say I’ve experienced a lot of pain and confusion this past year would be an understatement. Maybe in taking this lyric out of context from the song, the friends that I have made this past year were the ones who made it all worth it, and to me, are the colors that sure as hell made me.
4. Super Bass - Nicki Minaj
Apparently a white girl being able to bust out an entire Nicki Minaj song is pretty unexpected. Unexpected enough that it becomes your song haha! Also me being able to rap it apparently inspired a friend to learn it to. I love that girl so much and can’t believe she took the initiative to do that! But it was also mine and somebody else’s song too. That quote, “A friend is somebody who knows the song in your heart and will sing it back to you when you forget the words,” will always make me think of her. Besides always singing this song to each other, she would always serenade me with all of her off the wall songs, and they never failed to put a smile on my face.
5. The Motto - Drake
BB2’s motto? YOLO! Enough said.
6. I Will Remember You - Ryan Cabrera
Okay, I finally thought I was done with crying for the day, and was going to pull it together after the Motto, then this song happened. Luckily my mother was asleep and not able to judge me as I broke down crying during this song. Change the second word from years to months, and this song was everything I was feeling that day. I never thought it would be so hard to have to say goodbye to these people. Actually, I did at one point. As I was in the process of deciding whether or not to leave that place, the only reason I was torn was because of these people. I knew that on some level they would resent me for it, and that absolutely killed me. I finally had to do this for me though. In the end, I hope that they understand that there was so much more behind my choice than what they saw or even what I told them. It takes me years to let people in, so how these people managed to change that I will never know, but I do know that no matter what happens, no matter where I go, no matter how far away, my memories will last and I will always remember these amazing people.